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T'was on the Good SHip Venus 

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T'was on the good ship Venus,
By God you should've seen us,
The figurehead was a nude in bed,
Sucking a red hot penis.

*Chorus*
Frigging on the rigging,
Wanking on the planking,
Masturbating on the grating,
There's fuck all else to do.

(Chorus)

The Captain's name was Slugger,
He was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel shit,
On any bugger's lugger.

(Chorus)

The Second Mate's name was Andy,
His legs were long and bandy.
They filled his ass with molten brass,
For pissing in the brandy.

(Chorus)

The Third Mate's name was Carter,
By God, he was a farter,
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn't go,
We'd get Carter the farter to start her.

(Chorus)

The Welsh guy's's name was Morgan,
He was a grisly Gorgon.
Three times a day he strummed away,
Upon his sexual organ.

(Chorus)

The Irishman was Wiggum,
By God he had a big 'un.
We bashed that cock,
With a bloody rocks,
For cumming in the riggin'.

(Chorus)

The Englishman was Slater,
He was a masturbator.
He'd pump and pump his massive stump,
And clean the mess up later.

(Chorus)

The Captain's wife was Mabel,
Whenever she was able.
She gave the crew their daily screw,
Upon the messroom table.

(Chorus)

His mistress was called Charlotte,
Who was born and bred a harlot
Her legs at night were lily-white,
But in the morning they were scarlet.

(Chorus)

The Captain's randy daughter,
Was swimming in the water,
Delighted squeals came as eels,
Entered her sexual quarter.

(Chorus)

Then there was the Navigator,
He was a fornicator.
All round the world when he met a girl
The bastard tried to mate 'er.

(Chorus)

The cook whose name was Freeman,
He was a dirty demon,
He served the crew with menstrual stew,
And hymens fried in semen.

(Chorus)

The other cook O'Mally,
He didn't dilly dally,
He shot his bolt with such a jolt,
He whitewashed half the galley.

(Chorus)

The lookout's name was Herbert,
A gastronomical pervert.
He puts it in, through thick and thin,
And whacks off in the sherbet.

(Chorus)

The Bosun's name was Lester,
He was a hymen tester.
Through hymens thick, he shoved his prick,
And leave it there to fester.

(Chorus)

The engineer McTavish,
Young girls he did ravish.
His missing tool's at Istanbul,
He was a trifle lavish.

(Chorus)

A homo was the Purser,
He couldn't have been worser,
With all the crew he had a screw,
Until they yelled, "Oh, no sir."

(Chorus)

Another one was Cropper,
Oh Christ he had a whopper.
Twice round the deck,
once round his neck,
And up his bum for a stopper.

(Chorus)

The cabin boy was Kipper,
A dirty little nipper,
He lined his ass with broken glass,
And circumcised the skipper.

(Chorus)

The ship's dog's name was Rover,
The whole crew did him over,
They'd ground and ground that faithful hound,
From Singapore to Dover.

(Chorus)

So now we end this serial, Through sheer lack of material, We wish you luck and freedom from Diseases venereal.