On Top of Old Sophie

(Note: Sung to "On Top of Old Smokey")

On top of Old Sophie,
All covered with sweat.
I've used fourteen rubbers,
But she hasn't come yet.

For fucking's a pleasure,
And farting's relief.
But a long-winded lover,
Will bring nothing but grief.

She'll kiss you and hug you,
Say it won't take long.
But two hours later,
You're still going strong.

So come all you lovers,
And listen to me.
Don't waste your erection,
On a long winded she.

For your root will just wither,
And your passion will die.
And she will forsake you,
And you'll never know why.